My boyfriend keeps letters from previous relationships

My boyfriend keeps letters from previous relationships

How does my boyfriend keep letters from his ex-girlfriends?

My boyfriend stated that the envelop from their ex was at storage and it again that he read. But later I experienced an atmosphere he didn’t away throw it and I also ended up being appropriate he kept it. This hits me personally as American Sites dating free strange because he has disposed of every one of the letters and cards We have ever offered him. He stated he’s got no good explanation to help keep them, and therefore he does not keep letters and cards from individuals. Therefore, how does he keep letters from their ex girlfriends? Not merely one but from 2 various girls.

Then how come the letters didn’t make it in the trash, if it really didn’t really mean anything if he says that things like this don’t matter? Alternatively it had been set aside carefully, it has additionally occurred with images from their ex girlfriends, and I also simply found out that the envelop has a photo of their ex.

I realize if individuals desire to keep images but letters?, even though its disrespectful in my experience, but during the time that is same feel just like if somebody needs to keep images or letters from ex-girlfriends which they still are hanging on to one thing.

We don’t understand what the letters suggest to him precisely. He constantly informs me we don’t trust him, but he keeps things such as this from me. Trust and sincerity goes both methods. We don’t keep things from him.

I’ve been thinking about means on the best way to confront him concerning this. We’ve been dating for nearly 36 months, i recently had an atmosphere he didn’t toss the envelop away that day.

Reaction:

Individuals keep letters and images for many different reasons. But, mostly because individuals keep such mementos simply because they restore memories that are unique unique emotions (realise why does partner communicate with an ex).

And maintaining letters or images of an ex doesn’t necessary imply that the man you’re dating really really loves you any less. It could simply suggest he felt at that time that he likes the memory of how.

And simply as you are someone that is dating perhaps maybe not imply that that individual has got to call it quits all their memories of history. Asking you to definitely provide their keepsakes up so that you can show you respect just isn’t being really respectful.

Therefore, our best advice is to not ever “confront” the man you’re seeing concerning the situation. Contemplating a conversation being a conflict often turns it as a conflict. An easy method to consider this nagging issue is to look at it as a discussion—a conversation where your goal is always to realize their standpoint without wanting to judge him or alter their behavior (see talk about problems).

In the event that you take to to know why those previous memories are incredibly unique to him, without responding in an easy method that makes him feel ashamed or afraid of the effect, you could find that focusing on how he seems will enable you to get closer together. Everything you hear may harm your feelings or make one feel insufficient in someways, but you can’t alter their previous memories. And he feels about the situation, he will most likely try to see the situation from your own point of view if you try to understand how. Such a real sharing of feelings can help produce greater closeness and understanding, when you can figure out how to maintain your anxiety and fears from developing in hostile and/or manner that is defensive.

And quite often relationships work most useful when partners feel close and safe, but additionally permit each other to possess a feeling of their particular identification. Relationships often don’t work when individuals feel threatened and attempt to get a handle on aspects of their partner’s behavior, aspects which folks are entitled to—such as memories of these previous and keepsakes which are essential for them.